Public Display of Gag-me-with a spoon

I spend a lot of time thinking of what my first kiss will be like.

Well I guess I can't really have a 'first kiss' anymore, considering the fact I may have accidentally made out with Adam back in December. Before then, I kissed some kid named Edward one day in high school, but it was more like a peck on the lips than a kiss. I always thought my first kiss would be with someone I actually liked, but it turned out to be with someone whose last name I didn't even know and never talked to again.
I always thought it would be a sweet, short, kiss that meant something. BAH
If you've ever seen Never Been Kissed, Drew Barrymore-girl talks about what a 'real' first kiss is. And I'm pretty sure I'll never get to experience something like that. I tend to latch on for lengthy periods of time to boys who couldn't care less about me.

Then I rebound and go off on guys like Adam, and always regret it. (if you can say 'always' about one incident). Boys probably don't have that problem. Girls stretch out infatuation, whereas boys go around with a butcher's knife chopping out millions of crushes. Girls::Gum Boys::Celery.
Well THAT doesn't make any sense, because of course there are those boys who fall head over heels over head for some girl-next-door. Like spiderman.

(On a side-note, the Trelley lightswitch relationship has been flipped on again)

What I mean to complain about is the fact that I tried to go a whole week dropping off the face of the earth. To see if Codes would do anything. And he didn't. and I STILL can't get myself out of this rut. For a couple days I live normally "well hmm let me try and just live without being stupid"
and then by Saturday I was out running and near tears with just wanting to talk to him and not be alone. Sunday I went over to talk to him again. I mean, what's the point? I get NOTHING out of this non-relationship.
No kisses
no 'sweet nothings'
no nothin'

and i'm stuck with Travis and Kel constantly cuddling and embracing. ugh

"enjoy the silence" (depeche mode) and "closer" (nine inch nails) would make a GREAT mix....if you could only speed up closer a little. man i wish i had a mix program or whatever, the possibility is drivin' me crazy.

also, i think someone should make it so chemistry is against church doctrine or something, because it's totally unbearable! I SWEAR IF I HAVE TO DO ONE MORE PROBLEM INVOLVING ENTROPY I WILL JUST LAY DOWN AND DIE. Upon this declaration, I have deduced I will not live past noon on wednesday.

EFFING A' WOULD THEY QUIT MACKING already???