"Drinking for Eleven" (Mad Caddies)Do you know those photos where everyone is smiling and making faces, and there's one person who's looking somewhere else with a slightly serious expression?
Sometimes...I wonder what they're thinking of.
I wonder what's holding Dan back from going on a mission. I know why Jonny turned to alcohol. and I know why Dorene keeps falling. I know why mom's so sad. I know why Anne left the church. And Lily. And Kathy. And Frankie. And Dee. Sometimes I wonder how on earth I got to be different from them. How am I still here when all the people I looked up to left? Sometimes it makes me feel the biggest sort of empty. How can someone so small and weak as me be the only one left? How can I protect Alice when it seems everyone finds such small reasons to go? Sigh
Ugh. I don't like being home. I've gone to many places and it's always the same "no we are not hiring, in fact we are laying people off." Oh joy. And dad is convinced that it's actually possible for me to find a job and that im not trying hard enough. trying harder would involve weapons and threats, and that is no way of obtaining a steady job.
Most days I end up at the empty beach watching a few wind surfers hopping around on the water. Over and over in my head wondering all sorts of things. And trying to not get knocked out by their giant kites when they come to close to shore.
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